i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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