im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
