Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
