I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Randomize
