Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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