I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
