I wish I could teleport
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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