I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How does it feel to date your dad?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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