I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
