its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
