The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
