Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have fence marks all over my body
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
