Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
