And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
