Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nicole vs. Life
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
