Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
