i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize