i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
