Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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