So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
