Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
