We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
