Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
