tonight lets celebrate not being married
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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