i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
