Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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