Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
