Can Purell be used as lube?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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