last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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