the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize