you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
