The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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