youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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