That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
