i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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