I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
