They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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