sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
