3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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