i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
