barbara walters just said penis...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
operation harelip BJ is a go
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
