ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
