Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
