You're my little dorito
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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