apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
