He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
