Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
