The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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