i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
