I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
