only if we run a train.
done.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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