well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
