Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
