You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
