Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
