OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
