She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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