Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All the doctor said was why
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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