I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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