I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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