Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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