So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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