we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
