i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
