At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
