can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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