R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
