peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
