It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
