You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
