Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
