You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
